i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
