bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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