I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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