hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
