She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
