ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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