There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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