I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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