Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
