she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
