So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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