Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
