she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
