"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
