exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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