i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
