I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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