my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
a search helicopter?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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