New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
