just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
