butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
