I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
