Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
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NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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