I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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