apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
