sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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