Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
