Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
