i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
