Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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