I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
