i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
