$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
