The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
