his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
