Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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