How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
