Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
