so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
