after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
