Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone