It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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