I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.