dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight