He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2