This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer