I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we're so committed to being not committed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
