Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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