walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
