I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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