We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
