Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
