the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
