so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So apparently I’m into choking now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
