dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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