the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My nipple is on Facebook.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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