shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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