yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
