so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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