i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
