Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
