My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have tasted many bathrooms
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
