thus making me awesome and them whores
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
