I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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