were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
