You just made me feel so damn special
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
