I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
