Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
