You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize