I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
