Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
