Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need moral support for this bender
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is Oprah even human
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
