the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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