well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
