I looked at my own cervix.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
