I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
