And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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